Feel like you're failing

 Have you ever felt like you're just failing? I know I have lately & not to get into too much detail but it mainly centers around parenting. Man this gig is tough...I knew it wasn't going to be easy but man the struggles are real. You think you're doing it right & then within the blink of an eye the whole dynamic just shifts. Sometimes for better but often times I feel like for the worst. I feel like no matter what I do sometimes is good enough. A reward, praise, alone time..it's a quick band aid that gets ripped off rather hasty. 

There's no book to parenting & man I wish there was sometimes. I could write one, anyone who's a parent could write one...it's an ongoing story full of twists/turns, the nicest of protagonists & the worst of the antagonists. The chapters would be long, the plot ever changing but it ultimately leads to at least this guy wondering- when does it get better. 

Granted, I don't feel like this all the time, more so often or not I truly am happy but there are just moments during fatherhood where I can't seem to get anything right & it just unloads on me. I feel like yelling, I feel like going for a drive. I just feel like escaping sometimes & to any parent out there whom I've talked too, I've been told it's ok to feel that way. But is it? 

I love my kids more than anything in this world but man sometimes they push one to the brink of insanity. I can't feel alone in this right? Working 45 hours a week, trying to maintain a house & trying to make time w/ the wife to do things for us two...it just is impossible at times to juggle. That is why I need to put thoughts to keys (keyboard) & convey how I am feeling right now at this point in my life. Looking back at what I've said before makes me sound like a horrible person, but I know I'm not. I know people my ages w/ kids & hell those even younger than me w/ kids I'm sure feel the same. 

Sometimes us moms & dads need a break. Need a break from the same song, TV show & day to day routine. I know it doesn't help that we're in the midst of winter & everyone is feeling couped up also. I love the winter, I miss the snow but I guess I'm ready for warmer springs temps to move in so that outside activities can resume. We all become such creatures of habit this time of year, I know I'm more guilty of that than most & it's time for a welcomed change of pace. 

I just think it's ok to feel this way sometimes & this is just my way to let others out there who are parents struggling know that it's ok too. We should lean on one another, make plans to do things for just us adults as they say & enjoy a little time for ourselves. I feel better already after putting these thoughts out here.

I could go on about this but as my little girl runs down the stairs to give me a hug & tell me she's up...it's time to start the next chapter in my parenting book...