Ever hate yourself?

Ever hate yourself? I know, bam, we're gonna get right into it I know! But the other day man I hated myself. The old saying- woke up on the wrong side of the bed- well that was true & then some. It was one of those days where anything & everything was just making me irritable & I hated it. As a parent, I'm sure this can relate to other parents also but I felt just awful at the end of the day & here's why...

Again, I'm only sharing this hoping others can connect & relate to my parenting situations. It was a long week & it all just accumulated & piled on me all at once & I yelled at the kids on a few diff occasions this particular day. Just poor listening & being cooped up all winter long I'm sure plays a small part in this story but they aren't to blame, I am. 

I felt like absolute shit at the end of this day. No I wasn't sick, but I was sick to my stomach on how I was acting especially in front of them. I've said it before & I'll say it again- parenting is no joke sometimes. But after a long week & a day of just not listening it just starts to break down that wall mentally, you know what I mean? I want to be the best example for my kids on a day to day basis but sometimes I know I come up short in that regards & it sucks. I beat myself up for it I know I do. Can anyone else relate to this feeling? 

You feel like you've been through a 12 round boxing match but instead of taking punches you're taking screaming kids, tantrums & trying to keep them from throwing things at one another. It's not like this here hardly ever but this one particular day just came at the worst possible time. I felt awful about it and barely slept that night. I woke up the next morning & the first thing I did w/ the two of them was hug them tight & say daddy is sorry. 

It was a feeling I never wanted to have them experience w/ me again & I'm certainly going to try my best that it doesn't happen again. Parenting days are just that right- a 12 round boxing match at times? The toll it can take on one's mind isn't a path without its twist & turns. You never know what's coming around the corner but that's what life is all about I suppose. 

Between juggling a full time job, two children & my diet/exercise regimen, I feel like the mind is in round 10 right now lol. But my two kiddos give me all the love & support I could ever ask for as does my wife, but this particular venture is about the kids. I love them with all of my heart & soul & I know they know that. Chalk it up to a bad day I guess. I along w/ all of us have them but it's how we come back from those days that speak to ones character. Always working & striving to be better is something I set for myself in 2024, just need to keep at it. 

Bad days are inevitable sure, but I know that being a dad is worth all the trouble & headache. The love & hugs & seeing them develop into little people is something I wouldn't trade for anything.